HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
