I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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