yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found puke in my bra..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
