Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
