FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
