I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
