She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
