im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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