i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
