i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
