i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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