My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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