And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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