Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
