If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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