Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
