If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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