I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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