Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
