saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
