I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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