you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You pole danced in your parka.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
soo... how was my night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
