Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
