I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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