You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize