Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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