just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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