I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
