I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
