I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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