my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
