Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was CRYING into my vagina
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
