Define "chronic" masturbator.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
