I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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