i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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