after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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