I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
