Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
