i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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