dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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