so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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