I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
