did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
