it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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