U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
