He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
