I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
its liver damage thursday
He has the fingertips of a God
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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