He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
