jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
