we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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