I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
