Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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