hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
