today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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