its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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