The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
