You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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