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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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