Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
