if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
