I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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