I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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