farters have to be the big spoon...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
