I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
