Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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